Now, I'm not usually one to complain, but allow me to take some time and...vent.

I'm not sure if this day could be more stressful. The day started off fine and I got to school on time. But by second period I had a student jumping around swearing because he burned his arm on the old fashioned heating vents in the classroom. After swearing once I asked him to stop and he proceeded to curse in the next sentence ("Yeah, but that s*&# is hot!"). So I asked him to step outside since by this time class was clearly disrupted. He refused, swearing again, and I asked him to please not make me call a security guard to take him out of my classroom. At this point he jumps up and throws his desk aside, storming out of the class with the cloudiest look on a kid's face I have ever seen. ps. This guy is like 6'2", maybe 180-200 pounds and in junior high.

Am I done? I wish. My little cold starts getting worse and I sneeze about 8 times during fourth period. Throughout the day I am trying to talk to the principal because on my watch during Young Life last night some students left early and were seen smoking pot by the custodian.

Fifth period I've sent out two or three students throughout the class for disruptions, talking, laughing, etc. The girl I accused of smoking weed (turns out it was not her) asked me why I "had to rat [her] out like that."

And sixth period a girl scratched the face of one of this ADD kid that would not do a single thing if I didn't hound him all the time. He had three welts across his cheek. He said she just did it out of nowhere. So I sent them both to the office.

I feel like I am in an urban school in New York or something. I know it's not as bad as that, but seriously some of the kids I teach are messed up in the head, in the home.

Yesterday after school these two 13 year old girls stayed and we talked. Well, first I kept them after because they don't know anything and to be quite honest I have a problem with taking it personally when students don't learn crap, and then I feel like I have to teach them no matter what instead of just letting it go. I'm working on it!

After I showed them how to do their homework, they just stayed and one of them started sharing about her life. Now, these are the lowest achieving 8th graders in the school, and I have three classes of them. I think these are representative of a lot of my students' situations at home.

•She said she might get sent to another school for her poor grades.
•She said that her whole family is stupid. That the only one who graduated...HIGH SCHOOL... was her cousin or aunt.
•She said her dad calls her dumbass "and worse."
•She said her brother doesn't even work anymore, and he tells his mom he is going to school but she thinks he is just taking money to buy pot.
•She said her brother comes home at 5 or 6 in the morning and sleeps on the couch.
•She said her whole family comes from bad blood and indicated the general direction of her future by making a funnel in the air. All going downward.
•She said her dad is from the worst part of Mexico.
•She told me about her grandmother's revolver and how she keeps it in the kitchen (in Mexico).

And on and on...It's too much for me, people! What can one person do? I told her she is going to change her family's bloodline, change the direction of her life. She could be the one to bring them honor. I don't know. It's so ridiculous. I feel very discouraged at this public school.

ps. This whole conversation started when we were talking about what she likes or what she wanted to do. Her answer: nothing. At all. No hair, makup, teaching, kids, nothing. No reading, writing, acting, fashion, nothing. She said her brother is the same way and wanted to kill himself but he is going to go into the army so he has some purpose in his life, and if he dies at least it will be with some meaning...

It's been a while. I know.

A couple of weeks ago we hit the half-way-through-the-year mark. I asked the students for feedback and received some pretty great responses. Most involved just asking for more bathroom passes and less homework. Here is a cute one that I responded to:

"Dear Mr. V
What I like in this class is that when we see videos everyone is quite. Also that I like to sit next to E. because she's smart and I am to but when we work in group me and her always use are brain and we also help each other in our work. That's what I like from math class."

And here is one to keep me my ego in check:

"I like hand on activities. Just work sheets. To improve you could not be so boring and not talk as much and be more caring, and let us eat in hear."

Last:

"Nothing has to be improved or deproved. :) "