THE SUB NOTE

This is a transcript of a sub note that I left for a teacher last week. It was pretty much the worst day ever:

Per. 1 was fine. Most finished early and worked well.

Per. 2 was very rambunctious and took way too long to get focused. Particularly Trevor, Carson, Ulysses, and Javier.

Per. 3 was glorious compared to 2nd. [later] Except someone stole someone else's football! I don't know who.

Per. 5 said that they could choose their own groups. I had to take time reminding them where to be. A bit chatty and distracted on the whole.
[later]
Group 1 was very distracting and rude. Whole class was pretty rude-- Mrs. Wopatt had to lay down the law.

Per. 6: This class started like hell. I referred Tyrone to the office within five minutes; everyone chatting fifteen minutes after the bell rang...
Wopatt said she saw some kids talking to each other after test started, suggested class take exam over because of possible cheating.

My faults were that I was not strict enough; makes it easy for kids to get away with stuff.
Phillip Van Nostrand

please call if you'd like 805-637-6982

Quote of the day: "Hey guys, remember when I was gonna start a strip club?"

--Ninth grade girl needing attention 10/19/07

THE NICE THING ABOUT SUBBING FOR ELEMENTARY SCHOOLS.

Today I substituted for a 5th/6th grade class. Elementary school children are really wearing me down. This class wasn't particularly bad. Nothing I couldn't handle. But I just feel so tired at the end of the day.

The nice part was Emily and Megan. Emily is a student teacher from UCSB assigned to that class this year, and Megan is an aide for an autistic boy in the class. Every once in a while I come to a class in an elementary school and there stands a cute young teacher-to-be and all my worries fade away. One time last year after some casual flirting with a student teacher in a kindergarten class I got a lovely note on my windshield at the end of the day. With a phone number. :)

In other news, this Saturday I will be helping chaperone the Dos Pueblos Homecoming dance. Us Young Life leaders chaperone various dances throughout the year, including (but not limited to) Homcoming, Winter Formal, and Prom. It...is...AWESOME. So much fun! Remember your high school dances? The ones that weren't awkward? I had fantastic dance experiences in high school. And it is so fun to see all the students I sub for get dressed up. Makes me happy.

THE ELEMENTARY SCHOOL KIDS

I'm not sure what I want to say here. I have substituted quite a few times since I last wrote. Had a frustrating class (5th grade), a great class (4th grade), and a frustrating class (4th/5th grade). I do want to say this:

I dread subbing for elementary school kids. They suck.

Now, I know that sounds rather harsh. I suppose that in a different environment elementary school kids wouldn't suck at all. But when I am supposed to be following lesson plans according to the teacher's discretion and the students talk over me, don't listen, talk back, I begin to lose heart. And when a kid is crying because he was making stupid faces during a rhythm exercise with the music teacher and got himself in trouble, I decide in my heart that elementary school kids suck.

The problem with substituting for elementary schools is that I am not simply managing a classroom of students who are pretty much independent as well as self-taught like in high school. No, I am managing and disciplining a classroom of students who are pretty much dependent and totally unable to do anything fruitful if left alone for more than 5 minutes. I think a lot of us forget this very important point:

We learn life skills in elementary school.

Like how to share, how to be patient, how to listen and not speak, how to blah-blah-blah. It basically reminds me of a lady who called in on Dr. Laura Schlessinger's radio show and said that she would never have children because they are incredibly selfish, and they are selfish for eighteen years of your life until they leave you for college.

:) I understand where that caller is coming from. And Dr. Laura chewed her out, in all her harsh and unforgiving glory.

THE WEDDINGS

Today I was informed that there are two girls that want to marry me at Dos Pueblos. A student from a church group I work with told me in class today, "Phil, I know two girls who want to marry you.. I got a text message from one of them Saturday night, saying 'I'm going to marry Mr. V! Do you want to be a bridesmaid in my wedding??'"

Well, I thought it would be a good idea NOT to know who those girls are, so I didn't ask.

THE BUFFALO

Hello denizens of this great adventure called life!

On Friday, as I was walking to the office after subbing for an English class at Dos Pueblos, I saw a group of scene kids that I know who were playing a singing and dancing game called Buffalo-- It's a call and response game. They called me over, "Mr. V! Come dance with us!" So I went.

"Hey Mr. V!"
"Hey what?"
"Do you know how to buff?"
"Buff a what?"
"Buffalo!
"Oh!"
"My hooves are high, my hooves are low, and this is how I buffalo!"
"His hooves are high, his hooves are low, and this is how he buffaloes!"
Then I make up a dance move and everyone copies me.
"Buff" clap-clap clap "A" clap-clap clap "Looooo!"

THE VIRGIN

It's been a while and boy do I have some stories! Where to begin, where to begin...

Well, first off, on Friday I subbed at Dos Pueblos for a class that I didn't even know existed! It was a classroom for Emotionally Disturbed students. While I was there I played flamenco guitar with a student, a girl tried to sell weed to purchase a kitten, a boy and a girl almost got into a fight, and a boy arrived for school at around 1:30PM.

On Monday I subbed for an English class. The teacher requests me :) During one period where kids were supposed to be reading but were mainly chatting and not reading, I was sitting on a desk practicing my Rubik's cube. I overheard a conversation between three people. It went something like this:

White girl to Mexican guy: "Do you think she looks Asian?" (referring to a Mexican girl)
Mexican guy: "I don't know..."
ME: "Yeah! She does.. A little."

I had decided to jump in on the conversation, I don't know why. Mainly because I thought she looked kinda Asian; and perhaps I wanted to show that it wasn't a bad thing. Or something. Regardless, she turned really red and they all started laughing. She kept saying, "Don't look at me! Don't look at me!" And I said, "What?! Looking Asian is not a bad thing!"

And the white girl exclaimed, "That's not what I asked him!"

It was then that I realized that "Do you think she's a virgin?" sounds an awful lot like "Do you think she looks Asian?" if you are not listening closely.

So I basically told a girl in class that she looks like a virgin. A little.





P.S. She is a virgin, apparently.

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